Invitation Etiquette

http://bit.ly/WSUInvitations

Our stationery specialists for save-the-date, invitations, programs, place cards, table # as well as menu cards help brides create the wedding invitation of their dreams. They know that the invitation sets the tone for the wedding it announces and as such is an early indicator for the guests as to the type of celebration to which they are invited. Our experts field all sorts of questions and are knowledgeable about the various paper styles, font types and wording variations that brides are seeking. They are also asked about the appropriateness of certain wording choices. We know that more and more brides are making selections that blend the historically formal with the contemporary feel of today’s preferences. However, the rule of good taste does still have punch and invitation specialists are being asked if it is ok to ask for gifts of money on the wedding invitation. The answer is a clear and consistent NO!

There is no socially acceptable or tactful way to include in invitation copy the fact that the couple would prefer cash in place of gifts.

http://bit.ly/WSUInvitations

This situation is more likely to occur with a couple in their late 20s or early 30s who have been living together for some time prior to the wedding. They tend to have all household necessities and are not inclined to establish a traditional gift registry. They may be planning to buy a house and would prefer cash gifts. This is a worthy preference but the invitation is not the place to spread the word. For that they need to rely on word of mouth. The couple needs to tell their parents, friends, and members of the wedding that when asked about gift preferences, cash is the couple’s preference. But as Emily Post reminds us, “There is no dictating to guests what they must give; it’s their prerogative to choose.”

 

Our consultants recommend that if you are asked directly what you want for a wedding gift, be polite and say, “We’re saving for a down payment on a house, so if you’d like to give a check, that’s how we would use it. But whatever you decide will be terrific. Thank you for thinking of us.”

Not everyone is comfortable giving cash. They don’t like giving money. They prefer a tangible gift. And that is terrific. And because there are guests with this preference, we suggest that brides set up a traditional gift registry to accommodate the guest who prefers to give a gift other than cash. Come visit us http://bit.ly/WSUInvitations.

Announcing the Engagement!

Brides ask us about the best way to announcement their engagement. It is happy news and you'll want to share it with everyone. Here are some helpful guidelines.

The first people to be told should be the bride's parents and both of you should be present to tell them in person. If they do not live nearby, an excited phone call from the bride to her parents is acceptable and then tries to schedule a time for them to meet the groom if they have not met him. If the groom has not discussed his plans with his parents, they should be the next to know the big news.

Both sets of parents should get together for introductions, either in a home or a restaurant. This gathering can be a time to talk about some of the wedding details like the number of guests and kind of wedding you two are planning After parents are informed, next you'll want to let close friends and relatives know. You may write or call them individually or you may wish to surprise them all at once and announce your news at a family gathering or party.

Engagement parties have traditionally been hosted by the bride's parents though you and your finance may elect to host the party yourselves. Once the date and some details have been agreed upon, an announcement, usually by the bride's parents may be published. Newspapers provide a form that is to be completed and submitted with an engagement photograph. The engagement is normally not announced prior to one year before the wedding and not later than six weeks ahead of the ceremony date.

What a Good Idea!

All traditions have to start somewhere. 

Today’s brides are busy creating their versions of “new” traditions. Our staff of experienced consultants can help you find or create the tradition that expresses your individual thoughts and preferences. We have a big file of successful ideas and very creative staff members.

*One of our favorite ideas worked for a bride who was marrying for the 2nd time. Both she and her fiancé had children and grandchildren from previous marriages. The combined total was too large to include everyone in the ceremony. Trying to figure out who should be in the wedding party was impossible. The solution? The bride walked down the aisle by herself carrying an empty basket. Her trip down the aisle took her past every child and grandchild from both sides and each of them held a flower that they put in her basket. She reached her groom at the altar steps with a basket filled not just with flowers but love from everyone in their new combined family. Great Idea.

*One bride we know had formal traditional wedding photographs done before the ceremony, but she also arranged for an artist friend to attend and sketch various scenes from the ceremony and reception. Simple pen and ink versions of her wedding added a beautiful dimension (plus gave reception guests something fun to watch).

*A recent bride, who is an active environmentalist, chose as favors for her wedding, miniature seedlings obtained from the state forestry department. Each seedling was planted in a paper cup the color of the wedding theme and tied with a raffia bow. The seedlings – along with a thank you note and planting instructions, were put at each place setting as wedding favors. The couple estimated that over 200 new trees were planted in their honor.

*Couples with strong ethnic backgrounds are encouraged to incorporate those traditions into their own weddings. In addition, toasts to the new couple should be prepared in the languages of their origins whenever possible. If no one in the family can still speak the original language, contact a local university for help with translations. Serving some ethnic foods, planning some ethnic décor and incorporating come of the traditions in the ceremony can be powerful reminders of one’s history.

Members and Duties of the Wedding Party - Part 1 of 6

THE WEDDING PARTY
A wedding can be as glamorous as the dream of the bride, without overstepping the bounds of good taste. There will be mountains of obligations pressing the bride and groom, but take a deep breath and relax because there are others waiting to help. Each member of the wedding party has a particular role in helping achieve “Your Unique Wedding.” You, and the Wedding Planner, will be there to put it all together for the big event.

BRIDE AND GROOM
 Decide budget and wedding plans and hire planner.
 Choose wedding party attendants. The bride helps her attendants in dress selection and the groom discusses appropriate attire with his best man and groomsmen.
 Purchase small gifts for their attendants. Acknowledge receipt of wedding gifts with a personal note of appreciation.

BRIDE
 Discusses budget with fiancé and parents. Sets date, time and place of wedding and reception.
 Selects wedding dress and accessories, allowing a minimum of 4 months for delivery.
 Books caterer, wedding and reception entertainment, florist and photographers, videographer and bakery.
 Helps compile the guest list; chooses her attendants.
 Orders invitations, thank-you notes and personal stationery.
 Shops for trousseau.
 Buys groom’s wedding band and arranges for engraving.

GROOM
 Helps compile the guest list.
 Buys the wedding ring and arranges for engraving.
 Gets the marriage license and obtains any other necessary legal documents.
 Pays for and arranges honeymoon. Checks on available hotels for out-of-town guests.
 Pays for bride’s bouquet, going-away corsage, corsages for both mothers and close female relatives on either side.
 Supplies boutonnieres for himself and male attendants.

Part 2 - Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man

Wedding Cake 101

Cake Cutting 101

While more and more brides are electing “versions” of the traditional wedding cake like tiers of cupcakes, ice cream centers, desert tables with a wide variety of choices, there is a core group who elect to have the centerpiece cake – either by itself or as an additional choice for guests. The cake is rarely the white cake with white frosting with a ceramic bridal pair standing serenely on top of 3-5 layers.

There is a variety of cake flavors available as well as frosting options. Cake shapes have changed from the standard round to squares and frosting is creatively more decorative than in the past. If you are choosing to include a traditional wedding cake in your reception, consider these points.

    Time it. Decide whether you want to cut the cake at the beginning of the reception just before dinner or just after dinner before the dancing starts. Communicate that decision to the catering staff, the D.J. and your photographer.
    Decide how you want the cake cutting to be announced. You may wish to do it quietly and include just close family and the photographer, but most brides have the DJ make an announcement. It is a traditional part of most wedding celebrations. Some brides choose special music to signal the cake cutting ceremony is about to begin.
    Plan that first cut. You can do whatever you wish, but the traditional cut of two diagonal slices for a thin triangular piece is usually the easiest. You’ll make the cut together – hand over hand – and feed each other a small piece indicating that you will henceforth share all that life has to offer. Please don’t pull any “cake-in-the-face” stunts. That is so not cool.
    Be prepared. Let your caterer know what your plans are and have a cake knife, two plates and napkins at the ready. Alert the photographer, the caterer and the DJ when the event is planned.
    Remember the tradition of the wedding cake and what it symbolizes in your life together.
If you have other questions about cake cutting or cake/dessert options, do stop in a chat with one of our experienced consultants.

Vera Fernandes, Certified Wedding Specialist is a Preferred Wedding and Event Planner at David's Bridal, Orange, CT.

Improvise

In the rush and urgency of wedding planning, many brides baulk at the prospect of completing a gift registry form.    It seems somehow to be awkward for many of them. It feels wrong somehow to list all the things one “wants” on a list for others. However, it would help if the bride looked at her time making “couple” appropriate gift selections as a service to her guests. Wedding guests are going to bring or send a gift. It will be so much easier if they were to know that what they selected matched the couple’s preference.

What is likely to happen to most brides is that they will receive a portion of their registry preferences. They may end up with pieces and parts of the china or crystal or silverware choices they made. We urge them NOT to tuck gifts away awaiting the items that fill out the place settings for china or silver or crystal or all three. Use your gifts and use them frequently. So you don’t currently have enough matching china, crystal or silver for a dinner party for six. IMPROVISE! Take the items you have and create a memorable evening for guests – friends or family. Here at Weddings Simply Unique we support the concept of “What If?”

Use what you have to create an evening to remember.

What if you:    

• Used a vegetable bowl to grow spring bulbs? 
• Used an eggcup for candlesticks? 
• Served juice in champagne glasses? 
• Used large wine glasses for desserts? 
• Iced champagne in a soufflé dish? 
• Served parfaits in brandy snifters? 
• Floated flowers in a goblet? 
• Filled dessert sherbets with nuts or mints? 
• Put fancy soaps in a fruit saucer in your bathroom?

What would happen if you used items for different functions? Nothing but applause for your creativity.

The Paper Trousseau

We remind our brides that getting the guest list ready and the invitation order placed is a big job, but it is not the only part of your wedding paper trousseau. In addition to personalized thank you cards, reply cards and envelopes, napkins and programs – there are other paper items to choose.

For a sit-down dinner, select table and place cards. Use paper and ribbons to match your

invitations. Calligraphy will add an elegant and personal touch to each card.

For an evening reception we suggest that you use bright and rich colored inks since the room is likely to be dimly lit. Menu cards tell your guests that you took time to carefully select a well- planned menu for their enjoyment. Use vellum paper stock as it will look special.

Smaller cards can be placed at each plate, or if you are planning a buffet, a framed menu

card at each end of the table works well.

We offer a gentle reminder that once home from the honeymoon, it is time to write thank

you notes. Proper etiquette suggests that you respond within three months after the wedding, thanking people for their presence as well as their generosity.

Do let our experienced certified wedding specialist help insure that your paper trousseau is complete.

 

Wedding Notes: Serving the Bride

Need help in planning your wedding? Our trained Certified Wedding Specialist will offer advice and direction.

Worried about how to word invitations under special circumstances? Our stationery experts will offer advice on how to do it correctly.

Is this a second time wedding for you and you wonder whether to wear white or color?

Are you planning a destination wedding and have no idea what kind of gown you’ll need and how to get it on the airplane and off in one piece?

Are there children involved and you aren’t sure how best to include them?  

Are you concerned about the style of gown best suited for your figure type? Are you concerned about what ushers should wear?

Answering your questions and giving you guidance and confidence that every detail has been perfectly planned is what we are about!

Congratulations, you are engaged!

Just engaged!  Get information to assist in planning your wedding!  Click link -->
Wedding Planning tips, ideas and etiquette notes!

WEDDING NOTES – RSVPs

It is always amazing to me when seemingly well-educated people don’t get why they should RSVP when the invitation clearly requests it.

Knowing the total number of expected guests is critical at weddings and other large events because of the costs and deadlines involved in meal planning and preparation.  But even for smaller social events, I lament the fact that people either don’t know what RSVP means or worse, choose to ignore it.

When working with brides, coordinators and planners are expected to know the social “rules” and to help their clients incorporate them into the celebration planning.  Here are a few criteria to keep in mind and share with clients.

1. As Emily Post says, “No one is obligated to accept an invitation or to explain their reasons for not accepting.  However, when someone is kind enough to extend an invitation, one should be just as kind and reply to the invitation.”  Unfortunately, this is not always done.

2. Ask for help.  If you have invited someone to your wedding and have included a reply card with a return by requested date and you still haven’t heard back, the best solution is to press bridesmaids or family relatives into helping you contact all those persons who have yet to reply.  If a phone call is in order, helpers can say something like this:  “Hi _______, this is _________.  I’m calling to make sure that you have received the invitation to __________’s wedding.  The bride hasn’t heard from you yet and needs to know if you plan to attend.  The count needs to be in by ________. Everyone is looking forward to seeing you.”  If you are leaving a voice mail message, add “ Please call me back at ________”. 

3.  Respond in the same manner that the invitation was issued.

         If an invitation to an event has come via e-mail then an e-mail response is in order.

4. Reply as soon as possible.  Don’t put the invitation in the “to do” pile unless you need to ask the availability of the other person whose name may be on the invitation with yours.

5. Keep replies brief.  You don’t need to go into great detail about why you can’t attend.

6. If a reply is not requested, it is not necessary to respond.  However, it is nice to acknowledge the invitation and let the host know when you cannot attend.

The Bridal Veil

Veils have always been a symbol of youth and virginity. Formerly, the veil was not lifted until the bride was a legally married woman. Even today, in some cultures this remains the very first time the groom “sees” his bride.

Here at Weddings Simply Unique we remind you that you have options. You may continue the tradition of wearing it over your face until the presiding clergy pronounces you “man and wife.” Then either your groom or your honor attendant will lift it.

Or, you can have it lifted earlier in the ceremony just after your father (or whomever has walked you down the aisle) has placed your hand in the hand of your groom. Typically the groom then lifts the veil. This certainly gives you both better eye contact as you exchange vows. If you are having a double ring ceremony, your honor attendant can lift your veil before handing you the groom’s ring.

Many brides wear a veil but forego the use of a blusher veil that needs to be “lifted”. That seems to many to be less cumbersome. Whichever role the veil will play in your wedding is totally up to you.

Likewise, there are options for you as you walk down the aisle toward your groom. At one time young girls were considered “property” and marriage was a transfer of ownership. The custom of being “given away” by one’s father can be traced to that custom. Today’s bride can choose that “transfer” or have her mother or both parents walk her down the aisle. Then when the presiding clergyman asks, “Who gives this woman?” or better “Who presents this woman?” or “Who blesses this union?”, your mother and father or both sets of parents would reply “we do.” We think that is a beautiful way to start your married life. The options are yours.

Vera P. Fernandes

Weddings Simply Unique
203-583-6702

vera@weddingssimplyunique.com

Member Weddings Beautiful Worldwide.

Entertaining Tips

You’re married!  You received new dinnerware.  You are planning your first dinner party.  Here are some tips for the big event.

How many people to invite?  A dinner party for six or eight is ideal.  A successful party depends on the right combination of people so think about personalities and individual interests before you invite the potential guests.

Choose the right table covering to complement your dinner plans.  Formal entertaining still calls for a linen tablecloth with matching napkins.  Informal entertaining lends itself to colorful cloths with either matching or contrasting napkins.  Many hostesses choose to use place mats – either alone or layered.

Adding a special centerpiece can reflect your personal style.  Just remember that:

• A centerpiece should never block a guest’s view.
• The size and shape should be in proportion to the size of the table.
• Flowers should not be so fragrant that they overpower the food.

Using candles at the table adds a romantic touch to the dinner.  Here are some expert tips on candle use.

• Ivory candles are the preferred choice for a classic table setting.
• If you keep your candles in the refrigerator they will burn evenly and slowly.
• All candles should be displayed with charred wicks and should be placed at least two or three inches apart to prevent melting into each other.
• If you forgot to extinguish the candles and some of the wax melted onto the tablecloth, you can remove the wax from a washable cloth by scraping off the excess wax and running boiling water through the fabric.

Following these tips for the first dinner party should help insure that you’ll feel more comfortable in your role as hostess and will be happy and eager to repeat the lovely evening you provided for your guests.

A Prime Location

We believe that the secret of planning a fabulous stress-free reception begins with finding the right venue. Here is some sound advice to help you avoid costly mistakes. As soon as the date is confirmed with the clergy, contact should be made with the manager of preferred venues to check on availability. If you do not have a place in mind, consider options such as hotels, banquet halls, historical sites, parks, art galleries, museums, or the theater (you will literally be at center stage).

In choosing the location, the convenience of guest should be kept in mind. By car, the location should not be more than half an hour from the ceremony site. Be sure that the site you have chosen is large enough to comfortably accommodate the number of guests you expect as well as provide the best seating arrangements.

Check to see how many events will be taking place at a multi-event location or how much time is allotted between events schedules the same day. Review any restrictions the venue may have regarding the type, volume and duration of the music. Is there a public address system in house or do you need to provide one. Is there an adequate power supply for speakers, instruments and amplifiers? Does the facility provide a coordinator to cue the musicians for the first dance, toasts, cake cutting and the bouquet and garter toss?

Just to insure that the details are covered you may wish to appoint a wedding specialist to manage the various events so that you and your parents are free to enjoy the party. And if you have seen to these details up front, you will enjoy your special day.


Vera P. Fernandes,
Certified Wedding Specialist & Style Consultant
Weddings Simply Unique, LLC
203-583-6702
vera@weddingssimplyunique.com
Member Weddings Beautiful Worldwide

A Division of National Bridal Service

RSVP's

It is always amazing to me when seemingly well-educated people don’t get why they should RSVP when the invitation clearly requests it.

Knowing the total number of expected guests is critical at weddings and other large events because of the costs and deadlines involved in meal planning and preparation.  But even for smaller social events, I lament the fact that people either don’t know what RSVP means or worse, choose to ignore it.

When working with brides, coordinators and planners are expected to know the social “rules” and to help their clients incorporate them into the celebration planning.  Here are a few criteria to keep in mind and share with clients.

1. As Emily Post says, “No one is obligated to accept an invitation or to explain their reasons for not accepting.  However, when someone is kind enough to extend an invitation, one should be just as kind and reply to the invitation.”  Unfortunately, this is not always done.

2. Ask for help.  If you have invited someone to your wedding and have included a reply card with a return by requested date and you still haven’t heard back, the best solution is to press bridesmaids or family relatives into helping you contact all those persons who have yet to reply.  If a phone call is in order, helpers can say something like this:  “Hi (the invitee's name), this is (the caller's name, bridesmaid, maid of honor, etc.).  I’m calling to make sure that you have received the invitation to (couple's name)’s wedding.  The bride hasn’t heard from you yet and needs to know if you plan to attend.  The count needs to be in by (let them know the date). Everyone is looking forward to seeing you.”  If you are leaving a voice mail message, add “ Please call, text or email me back at (give a phone number and email)”. 

3.  Respond in the same manner that the invitation was issued.

         If an invitation to an event has come via e-mail then an e-mail response is in order.

4. Reply as soon as possible.  Don’t put the invitation in the “to do” pile unless you need to ask the availability of the other person whose name may be on the invitation with yours. 

5. Keep replies brief.  You don’t need to go into great detail about why you can’t attend.

6. If a reply is not requested, it is not necessary to respond.  However, it is nice to acknowledge the invitation and let the host know when you cannot attend.